Pitchin' Ain't Easy: Failed Contest Entry

I had fun making this 90 second video for First Bank’s “$20,000 Elevator Pitch Business Video Contest.” Perhaps I had too much fun.

I’d like to thank my wife for helping me put this entry together. Sadly, our submission, “Pitchin’ Ain’t Easy,” didn’t make it past the first round of judging, which perplexed my mother. If the judging were left to Eileen Mioduski, well, let’s just say I’d be up twenty strong right now, swimming like Scrooge McDuck in a big ass vault of coinage. Eileen had some pretty choice words for those First Bank judges too—words I dare not repeat on this blog.

Being a bigger man than my mother, I’d like to say congrats to Colorado’s winner, Fox Hollow Animal Hospital of Colorado.

I’ll admit, it’s probably a good thing Fox Hollow won, because I secretly planned on BLOWING those 20G’s. Listen, it was hard for me to pack all of my killer PowerPoint and Keynote jokes into one 90 second video. I left a lot of meat on the bone. So, mid-production, I decided that if I win this stupid video contest, I’m going to use the house money to help produce my full one hour special, “Big Mike Tells ALL His Deck Jokes.”

Maybe the First Bank judges saw right through me.

But hey, if you’ve read this far, and you work for HBO or the Apollo or something, I’d love to talk. I will be here all week.